Your partner is first and foremost your . . . well . . . partner. She’s the person you know will always have your back. She’ll celebrate with you in your victories and encourage you in your defeats. She believes in you, brags about you, and wishes you well.
Even so, if you’re the competitive type, it can be easy to forget that your mate is playing on your team. This is especially true if you’re going through a slump at the same time that he seems to be inundated with wild successes. A little frustration is natural, but you may want to start looking for way to quiet that competitive streak if you’re finding that frustration is blossoming into resentment. If your best friend is starting to look like Enemy Number One, it may be a good time to try some of these tips.
Remind yourself, one more time, that this is a partnership.
He may be basking in his current success, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t rooting for you anymore. If your mate is having a sudden wave of victories, you may be feeling a little unimportant. You may feel like you’re standing in his shadow, staring up at this giant of a human being who can accomplish all he puts his mind to. You may be wondering if he still thinks you’re good enough. Believe me, he does. In his mind, you’re not a bug in his shadow. You’re among the greatest reasons he was able to succeed. You were his strength and support throughout the journey, and you’re the one person he knows believes in him. He knows this because he believes in you, and he’s eager to see you succeed. In victory and in defeat, you’re in this together.
Remember that your turn will come.
It’s the natural pattern of life. Sometimes she’ll be up and you’ll be down. Other days, the tables will turn. You each get your chance in the spotlight. Be patient and faithful that your time will come, and use this opportunity to share in her excitement. She’ll remember how eagerly you cheered her on when your turn for success comes around.
Take a break.
While it’s important to celebrate with your partner, bear in mind that you can—and should—take time out for yourself. If your mate is suddenly inundated with parties and events and performances related to his recent success, it’s okay to duck out of some of the less significant ones. You need to nurture your own ego, too; it’s hard to do that when your social calendar is filled only with his interests in mind.
Have other hobbies.
If you and your partner have the same career, same interests, or same skill set, a disparity in your individual achievements can be especially biting. If you’re feeling unintentionally upstaged by your mate at a skill you both share, now might be a good time to tap into the hobbies that are yours and yours alone. That’s not to say you should stop cultivating your similar interest. But it is a good idea to have a skill that’s all your own to remind yourself that—no matter how much you may share—you will always have some unique talents that are only yours.
Put yourself in your partner’s shoes.
As previously mentioned, the tables will one day turn. And when they do, how would you hope for your partner to respond? Wouldn’t you want him to embrace the partnership rather than rushing headlong into competitive mode? Wouldn’t you love to share your victories with him, rather than spending your celebration time trying to convince him he’s not a loser just because he hasn’t accomplished what you did? I know, I know . . . knowing the right way to behave is way different from finding it within yourself to actually behave that way. But at least tune into that empathy and remember that your partner deserves to enjoy this moment. Even if it doesn’t take the sting away altogether, it might help you find the strength to muster one more heartfelt smile.
There’s no easy cure for a crushed ego . . . but there is a cure for sour grapes. It comes down to knowing yourself—knowing when it’s time to back away and give yourself some space and knowing when it’s time to suck it up, dig up that adoring smile, and tell your partner how proud you are of her. Because if you dig down beneath all the bitterness, you’ll find that you actually, truly are.
