Even the most confident among us gets a little anxious about meeting a significant other’s parents for the first time. And the more you dig your partner, the more you dread the moment you have to “prove yourself” to her parents.
If you’re about to take this next big step in your relationship, take heart. These situations rarely live up to our worst fears, and there are ways to prepare and boost your confidence going in. Consider these ideas:
They probably want to like you.
We have this idea that “the parents” are protective, overbearing ogres who can’t stand the idea of another human being mattering as much to their child as they do. The fact is, a lot of parents are eager to see their kids meet someone amazing, get married, and give them cute, squirmy little grandchildren. While it’s possible that your boyfriend’s parents are planning to hate you, the likelier scenario is that they’re hoping you’re wonderful, which means they’re already on your side.
Do your research.
Your significant other knows how daunting this meeting is for you, so don’t be afraid to ask him for a few pointers. Find out what their pet peeves are, what qualities they value most, and how protective they tend to be of their son. While you don’t want to pretend to be someone else when you meet them, it helps to know which characteristics you might want to accentuate and which bad habits you should probably leave at home.
Be yourself first and foremost.
As I just mentioned, it doesn’t hurt to be aware that certain habits of yours may either delight or disgust your partner’s parents. But don’t let that knowledge throw you into a sit-com style scheme to pretend to be something you’re not. Suppose this relationship lasts. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life pretending to be a Harvard graduate with a budding career in nuclear physics? That’s an exaggeration, but you get the point. Be who you are. Just remind who you are to . . .
Remember the manners your mama taught you.
Use your napkin. Say please and thank you. Keep bodily functions to yourself as much as possible. These things seem obvious, but they can sometimes be forgotten in the rush to impress.
Honor the family culture.
I’m not just talking about ethnic culture here. You’ve probably noticed throughout your life that each individual family has its own culture, its own values, its own way of doing things. When you’re in your partner’s parents’ home, take note of their way of life. If everyone is in socks, take off your shoes. If everyone clears their own dish, do the same. And if everyone’s slouched at the dinner table and talking with their mouths open, take the hint and back off the formality a little bit. Again, it’s not about denying who you are; it’s about demonstrating respect for their way of life.
Take notes.
No matter how well your significant other prepped you going in, chances are you’ll pick up on a few details she missed. So pay attention and hang on to the details you learn yourself. If you notice that her dad brightens up every time someone mentions hunting season, you can do yourself a huge favor by remembering that the next time you see him. And if you learn the hard way that her mother finds blond jokes offensive, consider the incident a learning opportunity, let go of the embarrassment, and remember for next time.
And if they hate you?
Huge bummer. But sometimes, that’s the way it goes. What matters is that you’ve got your partner—its unlikely this his parents’ opinion of you will suddenly shut down the whole relationship. The only thing you can do is continue to treat him right and show your best side whenever you meet his folks. With time, they’ll probably grow fond of you. But if they don’t, oh well.
It’s all about the relationship, anyway. By introducing you to her parents, your mate is only trying to bring you further into her life and make you a greater part of the things that matter most to her. If you don’t fit in perfectly with every aspect of her world, it’s okay. She can’t possibly expect you to. What matters most is how you fit with her . . . and since she’s introducing you to the folks, I’m guessing you must fit pretty well.
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