The Competitive Partner’s Guide To Surviving Your Mate’s Success

 
Your partner is first and foremost your . . . well . . . partner.  She’s the person you know will always have your back.  She’ll celebrate with you in your victories and encourage you in your defeats.  She believes in you, brags about you, and wishes you well.

Even so, if you’re the competitive type, it can be easy to forget that your mate is playing on your team.  This is especially true if you’re going through a slump at the same time that he seems to be inundated with wild successes.  A little frustration is natural, but you may want to start looking for way to quiet that competitive streak if you’re finding that frustration is blossoming into resentment.  If your best friend is starting to look like Enemy Number One, it may be a good time to try some of these tips.

Remind yourself, one more time, that this is a partnership.

He may be basking in his current success, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t rooting for you anymore.  If your mate is having a sudden wave of victories, you may be feeling a little unimportant.  You may feel like you’re standing in his shadow, staring up at this giant of a human being who can accomplish all he puts his mind to.  You may be wondering if he still thinks you’re good enough.  Believe me, he does.  In his mind, you’re not a bug in his shadow.  You’re among the greatest reasons he was able to succeed.  You were his strength and support throughout the journey, and you’re the one person he knows believes in him.  He knows this because he believes in you, and he’s eager to see you succeed.  In victory and in defeat, you’re in this together.

Remember that your turn will come.

It’s the natural pattern of life.  Sometimes she’ll be up and you’ll be down.  Other days, the tables will turn.  You each get your chance in the spotlight.  Be patient and faithful that your time will come, and use this opportunity to share in her excitement.  She’ll remember how eagerly you cheered her on when your turn for success comes around.

Take a break.

While it’s important to celebrate with your partner, bear in mind that you can—and should—take time out for yourself.  If your mate is suddenly inundated with parties and events and performances related to his recent success, it’s okay to duck out of some of the less significant ones.  You need to nurture your own ego, too; it’s hard to do that when your social calendar is filled only with his interests in mind.

Have other hobbies.

If you and your partner have the same career, same interests, or same skill set, a disparity in your individual achievements can be especially biting.  If you’re feeling unintentionally upstaged by your mate at a skill you both share, now might be a good time to tap into the hobbies that are yours and yours alone.  That’s not to say you should stop cultivating your similar interest.  But it is a good idea to have a skill that’s all your own to remind yourself that—no matter how much you may share—you will always have some unique talents that are only yours.

Put yourself in your partner’s shoes.

As previously mentioned, the tables will one day turn.  And when they do, how would you hope for your partner to respond?  Wouldn’t you want him to embrace the partnership rather than rushing headlong into competitive mode?  Wouldn’t you love to share your victories with him, rather than spending your celebration time trying to convince him he’s not a loser just because he hasn’t accomplished what you did?  I know, I know . . . knowing the right way to behave is way different from finding it within yourself to actually behave that way.  But at least tune into that empathy and remember that your partner deserves to enjoy this moment.  Even if it doesn’t take the sting away altogether, it might help you find the strength to muster one more heartfelt smile.

There’s no easy cure for a crushed ego . . . but there is a cure for sour grapes.  It comes down to knowing yourself—knowing when it’s time to back away and give yourself some space and knowing when it’s time to suck it up, dig up that adoring smile, and tell your partner how proud you are of her.  Because if you dig down beneath all the bitterness, you’ll find that you actually, truly are.

Romantic Notions That Can Slow Down Your Dating Life

There should always be room for romance in your life.  Romance is what makes love easy, what makes love intoxicating and thrilling.  But romance does not make love complete . . . nor should it guide all relationship decisions.

The trouble with romance is that it often becomes our focus when we seek something real.  It also inspires millions of proverbs and insights that motivate us to pursue love with chick-flick style wisdom . . . a type of wisdom that really works best on the big screen.  If you’re looking for something that lasts beyond the Happily-Ever-After kiss, beware of these myths and half-truths:

Love is a feeling.

Okay, this is half true.  When you’ve met someone you really mesh with, you know it by the way you feel . . . by that sense of connectedness and that all-important chemistry.  But lasting love is much more than a feeling.  It’s a decision—a decision to stay connected when life overwhelms you both, to commit yourselves to the work of building a stronger relationship after each set-back, and to offer one another affection and support even when your partner is old news.  The feeling of love doesn’t vanish in a long-term relationship, but it does get drowned out sometimes in the noise of real life.  That’s why a practical coke-and-pizza love is no less important than the ooey-gooey goodness of a wine-and-roses love.

There is one person in the world for all of us.

I may encounter a difference of opinion on this one, but I genuinely believe that there is no such thing as a single soul mate for each of us.  I do believe that we are each unique individuals with an inherent set of standards defining our most compatible mate.  Or to put it more simply, I believe that while you won’t mesh with everyone, you do have a good chance of finding a great match no matter where life takes you.  While it’s crazy romantic to imagine there’s one perfect soul mate for you and that fate will bring him to your doorstep, many opportunities are wasted in wait of such a miracle.  Also, many individuals dwell too long in heartbreak, believing that the one they lost was the only one for them.  Go ahead and feel this way for the first few weeks.  Just know in your head—no matter what your heart is whining about—that you will turn another corner and find someone you love just as much.  Possibly more.

Love finds you when you’re not looking for it.

We’ve all got that friend—the one who feeds us this line while swearing that she had given up on love when she ran into the man of her dreams.  Almost all of my friends have told me this story, and while I don’t doubt that they remember it that way, I can tell you for a fact at least half of them were talking dating sites or moping about loneliness only a couple weeks before they met the ones they married.  If you need a break from dating, by all means, take it!  But don’t let yourself believe that you have to stop trying in order for it to happen. Take a tip from my brother, who suddenly announced one day that he was going to find the woman he was going to marry.  He had just come off a string of horrible dates and was battling a pessimistic view of the dating world when he declared that there was no reason why he couldn’t find an amazing woman, all it took was getting out there with a positive attitude.  Within a month he met the woman who is now his wife.

Love changes you.

Another half-truth.  Love does change you.  All relationships change you.  You can’t connect with someone else without learning and evolving.  However, love will not fix you, nor will it fix your partner.  If there’s some self-improving you want to do, it’s in your best interest to work on it now, rather than seek someone else to make you whole.  While a partner is a wonderful support, there will come a time in your relationship when you realize the only person who can “fix” you is you.

All of these romantic notions hold a bit of truth.  They embrace the idea that there is something transformative and mystical about love . . . and to some degree that’s true.  I believe that romance should be embraced.  But I also believe that romance should be seen for what it is—one aspect of love that cannot sustain a relationship without the support of actions and intellect.  Enjoy your romances.  Just remember that when you hit the knitty-gritty part of your relationship, it doesn’t mean the love is gone.  It just means you’ve found a new corner of it.

Keeping The New Date Interested

What are some ways in which you can ensure that your date stays interested in you? Read further to find out what these online dating tips for keeping him or her interested are.

When your online date is interested in you he or she will want to know more about you, and the more you present yourself well to him/her, the more your date will find you irresistible.

Keeping your date wanting to know you more creates an opening for a deeper relationship which could end up in marriage. Since you don’t know much about each other (yet) you will have feel some physical tension that can be fun if you both like each other.

1. Being relaxed and confident while chatting with your online date.
A person who displays these qualities may appear as someone who knows what he or she wants and is ready to go for it.

To be confident means you can be relaxed and be yourself while engaging in a conversation because you feel that you are capable of loving someone who will also love you back.
Having self-confidence can boost your chances of leaving the date wanting more from you since it shows a side of you that your date admires.

2. Complimenting your online date.
Complimenting your date is a nice gesture which can bring about some flattery from him or her. This can also make your online date feel good about him/herself.
You can compliment your date on anything that you feel is worth a few good words. Your date will feel good when you give him or her compliments which can then break down barriers for more communication in the future.

3. Being genuine to your date.
A genuine interest in a person could make the person want to keep coming back because he or she feels that you really are interested in knowing more about him/her. If your online date sees you as being genuine and honest, fear not as the relationship is bound to grow.

4. Engaging in cyber-sex can keep the relationship alive since it could keep the relationship interesting.
You can satisfy each other online which may bring you closer and even the feeling of wanting more from each can be overwhelming. Your date will want to hang around for more if your sex involves flirtatious and passionate pleasures.

5. Be a little mysterious.
A little mystery can be intriguing to your date. The less the date knows about you, the more he or she will have frequent thoughts of you.

In fact, your date may become attracted to you for thinking about you more. You will know this when your date keeps in constant contact with you whenever possible.

One last thought, if you have something to say to your date that will help in knowing each other further and which may keep him/her interested, then don’t be afraid to say it! We hope that you’ve found these online dating tips given to you here quite helpful in your quest for love.

Where are you Mr. Right?

Tired of being single? Tired of all the lonely nights? Have you tried dating alternatives such as online dating and have exhausted all online dating tips but still nothing?

Is Mr. Right as elusive as the Loch Ness monster? What does it take to find Mr. Right?

Scientifically speaking, the odds of finding Mr. Right online is roughly about 1 in 285,000.

But love, like any emotion, is neither black nor white. There are no definite principles applied to them.

They are unpredictable as can be. No formulas or methods to be done to make the process faster or easier.
Wish it would be as simple as that, right?

The greatest mistake women make is that they think too much. They think of all the possibilities of a date going wrong rather than take pleasure in the actual date.

They have a fantasy date and a dream guy. The dream guy then sweeps them off their feet.

They have a certain criteria of their dream guy. When he doesn’t come to par, he’s crossed out of the list.

Come on! Life is not a fairy tale but you can certainly make your own happy ending.

Dating should be a time to explore new options, meet new people and experience new things. Rather than complain about dates gone wrong, isn’t it better to just move on?

Online dating does not have a hard and fast rule. It only encourages people to explore options out of their own comfort zone. It helps you meet other people outside your circle of friends and workplace.

Online dating only broadens your options. And although online dating is a sure time saver, you must also put in the effort. That increases your chances of meeting Mr. Right.

Remember there are millions of online dating subscribers out there looking for love. All you have to do is to just jump in there and let it happen.

Of course it wouldn’t happen overnight. Why not take pleasure in dating? The getting to know you part is one of the best parts of a relationship.

Let go. Have fun. It is okay to want to find Mr. Right but be open to other options as well. You never know that he might be somewhere you least expect him to be.
Serendipity, that’s how you should view love. Meeting a few wrongs would certainly make you appreciate meeting the right one.

Nobody has the secrets in finding the Mr. Right although many claim they do. Your Mr. Right is different from another’s Mr. Right so it doesn’t necessarily mean what works for you will work for others. So don’t expect it to be.

The internet is littered with online dating tips. However, the main thing to remember is, DO NOT LOOK FOR MR. RIGHT. Don’t let your search for Mr. Right ruin your chances of finding him.
When the time is right, he will come into your life. Just appreciate life. The more you look for Mr. Right the more that life passes you by.

Online Flirting 101

When you try something new, fear instantly invades your thoughts. It is the fear of the unknown that sometimes holds you back to what you want.

Online dating certainly feels like that. You’re afraid of what’s going to happen, if whether it will work out or not. Or you may be afraid that it will work but may make a mistake along the way and screw it up.
This is when our online dating tips come into play. One of the fatal mistakes anyone can make is by over-thinking things and not enjoying the process of online dating.

The whole point of getting into online dating is to experience something new and meet new people. It is as straightforward as that. Let yourself be free to enjoy it. Besides, the getting to know you stage and the flirting stage can be the best parts of dating.

Flirting online is somewhat different from the conventional dating, and there are factors that need to be taken into consideration.

First of all, it isn’t face-to-face. You have to rely on digitally inputted words to convey what you want to say. First impressions are based on viewing profiles of potential mates.

Since the basis of finding your potential match is on what you read, words should be more expressive than normal. Each message you want to convey should be written in a way that the feeling is conveyed also.
And with today’s technology, emoticons can be added to make the message more expressive. The most common symbols used are the heart, smileys and even punctuation marks. Capitalization of letters also express immense emotions.

Online dating also provides ways on how to make a connection with potential mates. Winks are usually used on online dating sites. It lets a potential mate know that you are interested.
However, sending several winks to one person isn’t exactly a turn on. Every wink should be followed by a short message. It becomes more personal and not methodical. Be simple with the message.
No one likes to read a novel as a conversation starter. The message must contain your interest in opening the opportunity for future conversations.

After an interest has been expressed, it is time for the hard part: waiting for a reply. Remember that if a reply is not made immediately do not be disappointed. Just move on your next potential mate.
There are a million reasons for a potential mate to not give you an immediate reply, so give them some time and space. It is not a turn on if you keep sending messages. It might seem stalker-like. Open yourself for other options.

The first conversation is crucial for it would lay the foundation for a potential relationship. Let it flow smoothly. Do not force anything too soon. If it will happen, it will happen. These online dating tips can only do so much.

Chemistry is not something that can be produced. It is either there or isn’t. Eventually, you might opt to talk through video or meet face-to-face. Here, it is easier to show that you are interested.
Facial expressions and body language help in understanding the other person’s feelings and intentions. Be aware of the other person. Try to connect with every conversation. Flirting does not come easy for some people but the best way to do it is to be honest with what you are feeling.

The real-life consequences of online dating

Maybe they don't have this problem in places like New York and L.A., but mine is a small city by many standards, and it seems like every single person here is dabbling in online dating. On the surface, this is great -- it ostensibly ups your chances for love if there are tons of people to choose from. But you also have to keep in mind that everyone means everyone.

So far, I've personally run across several the profiles of several dudes from middle school, a guy who works at my favorite happy hour haunt, a very close friend and one of my doctors. It seems like no big deal -- and maybe it doesn't have to be. But you have to keep in mind that stumbling across what is essentially a personals ad for someone you usually see in a completely different light can be jarring. It can make things awkward when you two meet again in person. And it can bring up issues you never thought about before.

Your single boss could stumble upon your profile and find out you actually hate your job -- and him. You might hit on your son's teacher, jeopardizing your relationship with someone you need to be able to count on. You could run into someone you recently rejected while you're sauntering down the street and have to figure out whether to ignore him or say hi. Do you really want to see your ex's profile? How about your roommate's and your best friend's?

In the age of Twitter, Facebook and myriad other social networking sites, we're starting to learn that the question of who has access to your info - - and even who is knows that you use certain digital tools -- can really matter. If anything, it's yet another reason to be cautious about what we send out over the Web, and maybe even another chance to reexamine how it's affecting our real lives.

Climbing Out of the Relationship Rut

 
One of the most damaging things when it comes to a relationship is when it’s allowed to sink into a rut. Nothing kills passion and interest faster than a boring routine. It doesn’t have to be the Kiss of Death, though, if you realize quickly enough what’s happening, and start taking steps to liven things up a bit. Following are some danger signs to watch for:

Having the same date night all the time: This may have been something you started as a couple when you were both so busy that you actually had to pencil in time together. However, having your date night on the same day of the week all the time takes a little zing out of it all. Be a bit more spontaneous. 

You’re always fighting over something: Try being complimentary sometimes instead of nitpicking every little thing. It doesn’t mean that you can’t stand up for yourself; it just means that you need to focus on the positive sometimes, too. 

Sex is routine: Consider having a quickie here and there. There’s nothing quite like spontaneity to put that excited, naughty feeling back into having sex. Don’t let sex become so routine that you start to dread it. 

Your relationship becomes second to your kids: This has a tendency to happen to all couples to some extent. Kids come along and it’s important to nurture and take care of them. This can take a lot of time for many years. Start working to keep your relationship special between the two of you. Give each other an extra hug and kiss when you see each other. It also helps if you can plan some time for just the two of you on a regular basis even if it means hiring a babysitter. 

You forget how to be affectionate with each other: Get creative. Do things like write I Love You on the bathroom mirror in lipstick when you know he’ll be going to take a shower. Write him a naughty love letter and put under his pillow for him to find. Come up with your own ideas. 

Be ready for romance when the time presents itself: Create your very own little Romance Box. Fill it with candles, incense, massage oil, and whatever else the two of you like. In that way, you’ll be ready at a moment’s notice to set the stage for some heavy duty romance.

The important thing to remember once you become a couple is that you’re still two people that have passion and love for each other. Think back to the beginning of your relationship and remember how you couldn’t keep your hands off of each other. Spend some time reminiscing either alone or together. Many times that walk down Memory Lane can work wonders as some very effective foreplay. Don’t let your relationship suffer from routine overload. Keep it fresh and exciting. Granted, it will never be the same as it was in the beginning, but you can actually make it BETTER when you work together on keeping the romance in your relationship.