You’ve found your most flattering photos. You’ve filled out your age, height, and zodiac sign. You’ve even listed your twenty favorite bands. But the Self-Summary section is still blank, the cursor blinking incessantly in the empty box as if to say, “C’mon, let’s get this done.”
Most online daters hate the About Me section of their profiles. How do you sum yourself up in just a couple hundred words? Harder still, how do you sum yourself up in just a few hundred words while making yourself desirable to prospective matches?
The first step is to relax. You don’t have to capture the true essence of your being, you just have to spout off a few facts about yourself that might pique someone’s interest. You also don’t have to dig up amazing accomplishments or wow the crowds with your crazy experiences. Most singles aren’t looking for someone with amazing stats; they’re looking for someone whose personality and interests mesh with theirs. All you have to do is give them a small sample of who you are.
Here are a few ideas to get you started.
What are your likes/dislikes?
This little maneuver has been done to death, but that’s because when you get specific, it really communicates a lot about you. The old “I like honesty, I dislike bad attitudes” won’t help you much, so think of the details. “I love girls who laugh at old Adam Sandler movies, and I can’t stand trendy cupcake shops.” That statement reveals a lot about who that dude is, and—because it’s so specific—he now has all Sandler-loving girls imagining themselves nestled in the crook of the profiler’s arm and laughing it up over Billy Madison.
What are your hobbies?
Again, this is a generic approach that can be made stronger through specifics. There are plenty of people online who play guitar . . . so maybe use up a few more words to say that you play guitar for your all-girl Aerosmith cover band. But as always, err on the side of safety when you talk specifically about your free time. It’s a great idea to talk about your favorite trail, but avoid details like “Every Saturday at 8 a.m., I hike Secluded Trail at Creepy Woods State Park because the park is totally empty at that time.” An exaggeration, of course, but you get my drift.
Where are you from and why does it matter?
“Where are you from?” isn’t just for small talk. People usually ask because where we come from shapes who we are. When you talk about your hometown, elaborate. How has your background shaped you? What values of your culture do you still embrace? For example, “I grew up in a small town in Iowa, and while it’s kind of a relief to me to be in a big city for once, I’m trying to hang on to the friendly habits I learned while living in a place where I knew all my neighbor’s names.”
What do you value most?
One of the best things about dating online is that we’re likelier to be upfront about the important things in our profile than we are when we’re chatting someone up at a bar. There’s usually no smooth way to slip in a comment like, “I really believe in open communication.” So take advantage of the opportunity to get on your soapbox of values for a minute and talk about those priorities in your online profile. You’re likely to strike a chord with someone who can relate.
Where are you headed?
Most prospectives are going to be curious about your personal goals. Whether you’re focused on your career ambition, personal development, or a bit of both, revealing your vision of a future self will reveal a lot about your priorities. It will also help you snag the attention of someone who envisions a complementary future for herself. Of course, the key here is to choose your topic carefully. You may want to avoid saying things like, “In five years I hope to have a handle on this body odor issue.”
What are you looking for?
You’ve probably already answered this question to some degree in other aspects of your profile . . . what sex you’re interested in, whether you’re looking for something serious, you may have even listed an age range and a body type preference. But this is your chance to get into the details . . . to tell the folks browsing your profile that you want someone with whom you can laugh or take road trips or talk politics. Just be sure that you separate your actual standards from your fantasy. You don’t want to lose a great match because you mentioned that you want to have a relationship with someone who can jam with you as you explore the hip-hop/country music hybrid you’re creating. Also make sure you keep this portion of your profile positive. Griping about all the losers who didn’t live up to your expectations is a guaranteed turn-off.
Share a few random facts.
I’ve found that this is weirdly affective. Does it seem relevant that you have an irrational fear of koala bears or that you broke your leg when you fell out of a shopping cart at age four? Nope. But these things are interesting, they’re quirky, and they add a little more demension to your character.
Describing yourself is a daunting assignment. So give yourself a break by looking at it from a new perspective. It’s not about defining who you are in one paragraph. It’s about offering a teaser of your full personality . . . a collection of facts that give other singles a taste of what you’re about. And if you find that the profile you’ve developed isn’t working? Well, nothing’s permanent; you can edit any time. Relax and have fun with it.
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