About You: Tackling the Self-Description in Your Online Profile

You’ve found your most flattering photos.  You’ve filled out your age, height, and zodiac sign.  You’ve even listed your twenty favorite bands.  But the Self-Summary section is still blank, the cursor blinking incessantly in the empty box as if to say, “C’mon, let’s get this done.”

Most online daters hate the About Me section of their profiles.  How do you sum yourself up in just a couple hundred words?  Harder still, how do you sum yourself up in just a few hundred words while making yourself desirable to prospective matches?

The first step is to relax.  You don’t have to capture the true essence of your being, you just have to spout off a few facts about yourself that might pique someone’s interest.  You also don’t have to dig up amazing accomplishments or wow the crowds with your crazy experiences.  Most singles aren’t looking for someone with amazing stats; they’re looking for someone whose personality and interests mesh with theirs.  All you have to do is give them a small sample of who you are.

Here are a few ideas to get you started.

What are your likes/dislikes?

This little maneuver has been done to death, but that’s because when you get specific, it really communicates a lot about you.  The old “I like honesty, I dislike bad attitudes” won’t help you much, so think of the details.  “I love girls who laugh at old Adam Sandler movies, and I can’t stand trendy cupcake shops.”  That statement reveals a lot about who that dude is, and—because it’s so specific—he now has all Sandler-loving girls imagining themselves nestled in the crook of the profiler’s arm and laughing it up over Billy Madison.

What are your hobbies?

Again, this is a generic approach that can be made stronger through specifics.  There are plenty of people online who play guitar . . . so maybe use up a few more words to say that you play guitar for your all-girl Aerosmith cover band.  But as always, err on the side of safety when you talk specifically about your free time.  It’s a great idea to talk about your favorite trail, but avoid details like “Every Saturday at 8 a.m., I hike Secluded Trail at Creepy Woods State Park because the park is totally empty at that time.”  An exaggeration, of course, but you get my drift.

Where are you from and why does it matter?

“Where are you from?” isn’t just for small talk.   People usually ask because where we come from shapes who we are.  When you talk about your hometown, elaborate.  How has your background shaped you?  What values of your culture do you still embrace?  For example, “I grew up in a small town in Iowa, and while it’s kind of a relief to me to be in a big city for once, I’m trying to hang on to the friendly habits I learned while living in a place where I knew all my neighbor’s names.”

What do you value most?

One of the best things about dating online is that we’re likelier to be upfront about the important things in our profile than we are when we’re chatting someone up at a bar.  There’s usually no smooth way to slip in a comment like, “I really believe in open communication.”  So take advantage of the opportunity to get on your soapbox of values for a minute and talk about those priorities in your online profile.  You’re likely to strike a chord with someone who can relate.

Where are you headed?

Most prospectives are going to be curious about your personal goals.  Whether you’re focused on your career ambition, personal development, or a bit of both, revealing your vision of a future self will reveal a lot about your priorities.  It will also help you snag the attention of someone who envisions a complementary future for herself.  Of course, the key here is to choose your topic carefully.  You may want to avoid saying things like, “In five years I hope to have a handle on this body odor issue.”

What are you looking for?

You’ve probably already answered this question to some degree in other aspects of your profile . . . what sex you’re interested in, whether you’re looking for something serious, you may have even listed an age range and a body type preference.  But this is your chance to get into the details . . . to tell the folks browsing your profile that you want someone with whom you can laugh or take road trips or talk politics.  Just be sure that you separate your actual standards from your fantasy.  You don’t want to lose a great match because you mentioned that you want to have a relationship with someone who can jam with you as you explore the hip-hop/country music hybrid you’re creating.  Also make sure you keep this portion of your profile positive.  Griping about all the losers who didn’t live up to your expectations is a guaranteed turn-off.

Share a few random facts.

I’ve found that this is weirdly affective.  Does it seem relevant that you have an irrational fear of koala bears or that you broke your leg when you fell out of a shopping cart at age four?  Nope.  But these things are interesting, they’re quirky, and they add a little more demension to your character.

Describing yourself is a daunting assignment.  So give yourself a break by looking at it from a new perspective.  It’s not about defining who you are in one paragraph.  It’s about offering a teaser of your full personality . . . a collection of facts that give other singles a taste of what you’re about.  And if you find that the profile you’ve developed isn’t working?  Well, nothing’s permanent; you can edit any time.  Relax and have fun with it.

Choose Your Battles

All couples have disagreements from time to time. Many people consider arguing sometimes to be healthy for relationships. Of course, if you argue constantly that may be a sign of some different issues. However, getting back to the positive side of fighting, there are some benefits to doing some verbal slugging it out on occasion.

First of all, when couples argue, there’s a release of any tension build up. Sometimes, when you’re with someone a lot, there are things that can get on your nerves about each other. These things build when they’re not addressed and resolved. So, there may be some little thing that causes the blow up but the fight is actually about other things that have been allowed to fester for too long. Once the air is cleared, the fight is over and the tension is gone, or at least clearly reduced.

Having a difference of opinion is a good way to show that you’re not completely alike. There’s a lot to be said about having enough things in common, but nothing is more boring than being exactly alike. The things that you disagree over can be debated in a mature manner, or should be. But if yelling and throwing things is more the way you and your partner like to handle issues, go for it. Just try not to disturb the neighbors.

Something else you also need to understand about arguing is that you cannot always win. There’s no way to do that and hold onto a successful relationship. You need to be aware that you’re not always going to be right 100 percent of the time and your partner isn’t going to be, either. That’s why it’s important to choose your battles. Some things are just more important than others. When you’re positive that you’re right about something; that’s the thing to fight for. Of course, you should also be prepared for your partner to be equally adamant that he’s right about the same issue.

Another thing that turns out to be pretty nice about having a fight with your partner is that once it’s over, you get to make up. There’s just something about make up sex that’s unlike any other kind of sex you’ll ever have. It has an intensity to it that only anger and repentance can bring out. You almost feel as if you came very close to losing one another and then you were snatched back from the jaws of death regarding your relationship. The love and passion you feel for each other at the moment you make up is stronger than even the first time you were ever together physically. That’s a delicious feeling to hold onto.

Again, remember to choose your battles. Yes, the makeup sex if amazing and the end of a fight can mark the beginning of your love all over again. However, don’t fight over stupid things. Make your battles count and make them bring about a lasting joy and compromise into your relationship. Things will be so much better if you can do that.

Create a Killer Online Dating Profile

 
So many single people are turning to online dating these days that it’s considered to be just as normal as how dating used to be conducted. Admittedly, though, there are many major differences between the two. One of these is you have to come up with an entirely new way of talking about yourself. You know how when you first meet someone new and you both want to know all about each other’s likes and dislikes? That has to be done with online dating, too, except you’re going to be telling prospective dating partners about yourself BEFORE they even meet you.

That sounds a bit odd, but it’s actually part of the entire online dating experience. People find each other through their dating profiles left on various dating websites. Of course, you must become a member of each website before you’re allowed to put up a profile about yourself, but once you do, you want that profile to be, well, PERFECT! This is the way that people of like minds will find each other so you want yours to be the absolute best that you can make it.

That may sound like a tall order, but it’s not really all THAT hard. Following is a checklist of sorts to help you along in creating a killer online dating profile that will draw the right people to you and have them drooling in anticipation:

Take a new photo: One of the biggest mistakes that you can make on a dating profile is to put up a picture of yourself taken ten years ago or, even worse, use a photo of someone else. It’s vital to use your own photo. After all, you DO plan to actually MEET one of these people and you want to be upfront about what they’re going to see. It’s good to take a new photo if possible, so that you can take some time to prepare for it and look your most amazing. 

Be honest: Never write down what you THINK people will want to see. You’ve got to be honest about everything. This includes your appearance, your taste in music, movies, and television shows. Don’t make up things just to seem more exciting. Think about it this way: Don’t say that you’re 5’8 and weigh 125 pounds, love metal music, like gory horror flicks and enjoy skydiving if the truth is actually that you’re 5’3, weigh 140 pounds, love country western music, romantic comedies and that you’re terrified of heights. You can see that these two descriptions will attract completely different people and they WILL notice the difference in your tastes. 

Be a little mysterious: Don’t give everything about yourself away where everyone can see it. A little mystery is a good thing. Just be sure to find that delicate balance between being a bit mysterious and an out and out weirdo.

If you take some time to make your online dating profile a work of art, you’ll like the type of people it attracts more than if you just slap something together and stick up there. That’s a guarantee.

Help! His Best Friend is a Woman

 
It’s certainly not uncommon for a man to have a woman as his best friend. While it’s not uncommon, it CAN become problematic if the relationship is closer than a romantic relationship will ever be for either of them. Sex certainly does not have to be involved for a man and a woman to be monumentally close. It happens all the time with Internet relationships. However, if your partner has a female best friend and she seems to be more a part of your lives and relationship than you would like, you need to do something to change that.

Of course, the first thing you need to figure out is if there’s actually anything inappropriate with their friendship. If your partner is spending hours on the phone with his best friend on a regular basis to the extent that he’s ignoring you; that’s a problem. When you and your partner go out for the evening, if she always has to tag along or, worse yet, he makes plans to go out with her ALONE; there is a very big issue. If she’s invited by your partner to come along on your vacations, then you may definitely want to mention it to him.

Basically, if your partner is treating his “best friend” more like a girlfriend, you’ve got every right to make your feelings known. Hopefully, he’ll be reasonable about it and see your point of view. If he doesn’t, there are a few things to try so that he’ll finally get it.

Once you’ve talked to your partner about including his best friend LESS in your relationship; that should be the end of it. However, if it’s not, and he continues to put her ahead of you, it may be time to go out and find your OWN best friend: a male, of course. This is known as giving him a taste of his own medicine. Show him how it feels to be left at home while you go out for a night on the town with your best friend. Be sure to bring your best friend along on outings and trips with you and your partner. Actually, this could work better than you had hoped if HIS best friend and YOUR best friend hook up.

If his best friend has a partner of her own, you may try sitting down and talking things over with him. It may be that he’s just as frustrated as you are with this friendship and the two of you can work together to tone things down a notch. It’s certainly worth a shot.

Only use an ultimatum as a last resort. Men can be pretty strange creatures when it comes to telling them what they can and cannot do. If you make him choose between his best friend and you, things may not work out like you want them to. Even though he’s not having a sexual relationship with his best friend, he may decide that he would still rather keep her in his life and get rid of you. If that happens, all you can do is chalk it up to a lesson learned. Next time, you’ll know what to watch for in the BEGINNING of a relationship rather than spotting it after you’ve settled in.

The Competitive Partner’s Guide To Surviving Your Mate’s Success

 
Your partner is first and foremost your . . . well . . . partner.  She’s the person you know will always have your back.  She’ll celebrate with you in your victories and encourage you in your defeats.  She believes in you, brags about you, and wishes you well.

Even so, if you’re the competitive type, it can be easy to forget that your mate is playing on your team.  This is especially true if you’re going through a slump at the same time that he seems to be inundated with wild successes.  A little frustration is natural, but you may want to start looking for way to quiet that competitive streak if you’re finding that frustration is blossoming into resentment.  If your best friend is starting to look like Enemy Number One, it may be a good time to try some of these tips.

Remind yourself, one more time, that this is a partnership.

He may be basking in his current success, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t rooting for you anymore.  If your mate is having a sudden wave of victories, you may be feeling a little unimportant.  You may feel like you’re standing in his shadow, staring up at this giant of a human being who can accomplish all he puts his mind to.  You may be wondering if he still thinks you’re good enough.  Believe me, he does.  In his mind, you’re not a bug in his shadow.  You’re among the greatest reasons he was able to succeed.  You were his strength and support throughout the journey, and you’re the one person he knows believes in him.  He knows this because he believes in you, and he’s eager to see you succeed.  In victory and in defeat, you’re in this together.

Remember that your turn will come.

It’s the natural pattern of life.  Sometimes she’ll be up and you’ll be down.  Other days, the tables will turn.  You each get your chance in the spotlight.  Be patient and faithful that your time will come, and use this opportunity to share in her excitement.  She’ll remember how eagerly you cheered her on when your turn for success comes around.

Take a break.

While it’s important to celebrate with your partner, bear in mind that you can—and should—take time out for yourself.  If your mate is suddenly inundated with parties and events and performances related to his recent success, it’s okay to duck out of some of the less significant ones.  You need to nurture your own ego, too; it’s hard to do that when your social calendar is filled only with his interests in mind.

Have other hobbies.

If you and your partner have the same career, same interests, or same skill set, a disparity in your individual achievements can be especially biting.  If you’re feeling unintentionally upstaged by your mate at a skill you both share, now might be a good time to tap into the hobbies that are yours and yours alone.  That’s not to say you should stop cultivating your similar interest.  But it is a good idea to have a skill that’s all your own to remind yourself that—no matter how much you may share—you will always have some unique talents that are only yours.

Put yourself in your partner’s shoes.

As previously mentioned, the tables will one day turn.  And when they do, how would you hope for your partner to respond?  Wouldn’t you want him to embrace the partnership rather than rushing headlong into competitive mode?  Wouldn’t you love to share your victories with him, rather than spending your celebration time trying to convince him he’s not a loser just because he hasn’t accomplished what you did?  I know, I know . . . knowing the right way to behave is way different from finding it within yourself to actually behave that way.  But at least tune into that empathy and remember that your partner deserves to enjoy this moment.  Even if it doesn’t take the sting away altogether, it might help you find the strength to muster one more heartfelt smile.

There’s no easy cure for a crushed ego . . . but there is a cure for sour grapes.  It comes down to knowing yourself—knowing when it’s time to back away and give yourself some space and knowing when it’s time to suck it up, dig up that adoring smile, and tell your partner how proud you are of her.  Because if you dig down beneath all the bitterness, you’ll find that you actually, truly are.

Romantic Notions That Can Slow Down Your Dating Life

There should always be room for romance in your life.  Romance is what makes love easy, what makes love intoxicating and thrilling.  But romance does not make love complete . . . nor should it guide all relationship decisions.

The trouble with romance is that it often becomes our focus when we seek something real.  It also inspires millions of proverbs and insights that motivate us to pursue love with chick-flick style wisdom . . . a type of wisdom that really works best on the big screen.  If you’re looking for something that lasts beyond the Happily-Ever-After kiss, beware of these myths and half-truths:

Love is a feeling.

Okay, this is half true.  When you’ve met someone you really mesh with, you know it by the way you feel . . . by that sense of connectedness and that all-important chemistry.  But lasting love is much more than a feeling.  It’s a decision—a decision to stay connected when life overwhelms you both, to commit yourselves to the work of building a stronger relationship after each set-back, and to offer one another affection and support even when your partner is old news.  The feeling of love doesn’t vanish in a long-term relationship, but it does get drowned out sometimes in the noise of real life.  That’s why a practical coke-and-pizza love is no less important than the ooey-gooey goodness of a wine-and-roses love.

There is one person in the world for all of us.

I may encounter a difference of opinion on this one, but I genuinely believe that there is no such thing as a single soul mate for each of us.  I do believe that we are each unique individuals with an inherent set of standards defining our most compatible mate.  Or to put it more simply, I believe that while you won’t mesh with everyone, you do have a good chance of finding a great match no matter where life takes you.  While it’s crazy romantic to imagine there’s one perfect soul mate for you and that fate will bring him to your doorstep, many opportunities are wasted in wait of such a miracle.  Also, many individuals dwell too long in heartbreak, believing that the one they lost was the only one for them.  Go ahead and feel this way for the first few weeks.  Just know in your head—no matter what your heart is whining about—that you will turn another corner and find someone you love just as much.  Possibly more.

Love finds you when you’re not looking for it.

We’ve all got that friend—the one who feeds us this line while swearing that she had given up on love when she ran into the man of her dreams.  Almost all of my friends have told me this story, and while I don’t doubt that they remember it that way, I can tell you for a fact at least half of them were talking dating sites or moping about loneliness only a couple weeks before they met the ones they married.  If you need a break from dating, by all means, take it!  But don’t let yourself believe that you have to stop trying in order for it to happen. Take a tip from my brother, who suddenly announced one day that he was going to find the woman he was going to marry.  He had just come off a string of horrible dates and was battling a pessimistic view of the dating world when he declared that there was no reason why he couldn’t find an amazing woman, all it took was getting out there with a positive attitude.  Within a month he met the woman who is now his wife.

Love changes you.

Another half-truth.  Love does change you.  All relationships change you.  You can’t connect with someone else without learning and evolving.  However, love will not fix you, nor will it fix your partner.  If there’s some self-improving you want to do, it’s in your best interest to work on it now, rather than seek someone else to make you whole.  While a partner is a wonderful support, there will come a time in your relationship when you realize the only person who can “fix” you is you.

All of these romantic notions hold a bit of truth.  They embrace the idea that there is something transformative and mystical about love . . . and to some degree that’s true.  I believe that romance should be embraced.  But I also believe that romance should be seen for what it is—one aspect of love that cannot sustain a relationship without the support of actions and intellect.  Enjoy your romances.  Just remember that when you hit the knitty-gritty part of your relationship, it doesn’t mean the love is gone.  It just means you’ve found a new corner of it.

Keeping The New Date Interested

What are some ways in which you can ensure that your date stays interested in you? Read further to find out what these online dating tips for keeping him or her interested are.

When your online date is interested in you he or she will want to know more about you, and the more you present yourself well to him/her, the more your date will find you irresistible.

Keeping your date wanting to know you more creates an opening for a deeper relationship which could end up in marriage. Since you don’t know much about each other (yet) you will have feel some physical tension that can be fun if you both like each other.

1. Being relaxed and confident while chatting with your online date.
A person who displays these qualities may appear as someone who knows what he or she wants and is ready to go for it.

To be confident means you can be relaxed and be yourself while engaging in a conversation because you feel that you are capable of loving someone who will also love you back.
Having self-confidence can boost your chances of leaving the date wanting more from you since it shows a side of you that your date admires.

2. Complimenting your online date.
Complimenting your date is a nice gesture which can bring about some flattery from him or her. This can also make your online date feel good about him/herself.
You can compliment your date on anything that you feel is worth a few good words. Your date will feel good when you give him or her compliments which can then break down barriers for more communication in the future.

3. Being genuine to your date.
A genuine interest in a person could make the person want to keep coming back because he or she feels that you really are interested in knowing more about him/her. If your online date sees you as being genuine and honest, fear not as the relationship is bound to grow.

4. Engaging in cyber-sex can keep the relationship alive since it could keep the relationship interesting.
You can satisfy each other online which may bring you closer and even the feeling of wanting more from each can be overwhelming. Your date will want to hang around for more if your sex involves flirtatious and passionate pleasures.

5. Be a little mysterious.
A little mystery can be intriguing to your date. The less the date knows about you, the more he or she will have frequent thoughts of you.

In fact, your date may become attracted to you for thinking about you more. You will know this when your date keeps in constant contact with you whenever possible.

One last thought, if you have something to say to your date that will help in knowing each other further and which may keep him/her interested, then don’t be afraid to say it! We hope that you’ve found these online dating tips given to you here quite helpful in your quest for love.